Sunday, April 4, 2010

Of Loss, And Life, And Blogging, And Living....

My pretty, pretty mama - Vivien...
1925 ~ 2010.
She had looks that reminded me of Maureen O'Hara,
the Irish actress in so many of the old John Wayne movies...
She was quite a beauty with her raven hair and 
ice-blue eyes and lovely skin...
(for some reason in this photo, both her hair & her eyes
appear brown-ish but trust me, they were
raven black and
a spectacular & unusual icy blue.
But... she could also 
repair a tractor engine, fix household appliances, repair a flat tire, 
was a fabulous seamstress 
& made many of the clothes we wore,
did professional cake decorating from our home, and at
age 50 earned her nursing degree - 
all while raising 8 children.
And that's not the half of it...

It's been quite a while in between posts... 
over two weeks, actually.

I'm so sorry I haven't been more "present" here.

Many of you may remember me mentioning a few times in the recent past, 
(like HERE)
that my mom
was ill and not expected to live much longer.

She was not expected to make it to Christmas, and yet her 
"strong like bull" character held her through for months past that...   :)

On Wednesday, March 31, at 11AM she left her tired, oh-so-weary earthly body 
and we were all around her as she did.

I'll never be the same after witnessing that.

I wanted to at least get back here to the blog to tell those of you who have asked about her
over the last few months about her passing.

I can't thank you enough -- each of you -- who has inquired about her either in an email,
or as part of a blog post comment or on Facebook.

It means so much -- "thank you" hardly seems enough,
but there it is:  THANK YOU.

Today we held my mother's funeral and for all the "holding it together" we've all
done up until now, it seems that now with the "formalities" over, 
the realities set in.  Suddenly it "hits you".

Many of you know the feeling -- 
you stay so busy in body and mind immediately following the 
death of a loved one, you hardly know what day of the week it is.
Seems all work is toward the goal of final arrangements, etc. and then 
that day comes 
and the services have all been held 

You go home.

And then your mind, which has been racing and racing with so many details and
phone calls, emails, tying up of loose ends...
now has
nothing to do

And you suddenly wish you had a million
details, loose ends, phone calls and emails to attend to.

Anything but the silent, slowed, stark reality that
you must move on with.

Its been said "Ignorance is bliss."

Perhaps in a similar way,
"Busy-ness is bliss."

Its the knowing that I can't just pick up the phone now and ask her a quick 
question about a recipe, or about the correct way to sew something...
There is a finality to it all now that is really setting in.

The photo below was taken just a few weeks ago on her
85th birthday.  After 62 years of marriage,
the romance...
My sweet dad -- how I wish I could take his pain for him...
He will be so lonely without his sweetheart.

My mother was so ill, weak,
and soooo tired...

But you know, no matter how "expected" -- it is still shocking to your heart when it does happen.

This is another in a long line of events that God uses for me personally in getting my attention re-focused. 

These are the events in life that I liken to an image of a horse inside the fencing of a training ring:

The lone horse is wandering around inside the ring -- head down, nibbling, grazing, looking around, standing, staring, nibbling some more.... just sort of aimlessly "enjoying life" out there in the ring. 

He's completely forgotten that he is in the training ring -- and his master is growing impatient with his wandering and loss of focus. CRACK! SNAP!!!!

The trainer's long, long whip cracks and breaks the beautiful, restful silence the horse was enjoying 

and with the searing pinch of the whip on his hide, the horse now is at full attention again -- 
reminded that he is not out in the pasture
 but in the training ring. 

It's work time - not grazing time (yet).

Oh how we can also wander off course.

We are lulled by the beauty around us, the green grass of this life, the desire to graze and desire for ease.

 We forget we are not in the pasture, and He needs to regain our full attention sometimes. 

Thus... the CRACK and the sting we feel in our hearts, 
to lovingly bring us back to attention reminding us why we're here.

He's placed us in such beauty sometimes, that it does make it so easy to wander off -- not even in "bad" things -- just to rest and graze a bit much. 

He needs to shore us up again for His work.   And our hearts hear it:

I heard the whip on Wednesday at 11AM by my mother's bedside. 

It was loud. And it stung.
 How it stung. 

But with each passing minute/hour, I am thankful for the whip's reminder 

to steel myself anew for the work at hand. 

Thankful for the reminder through mom's eternal, final passing that we are not residents here -- 
we think we are -- but no.


was the message I heard loud and clear.

So, as much as my flesh wishes at times not to have been witness to the events of this week, 

perhaps it will be those very images and memories that will serve as the
occasional "CRACK" and "SNAP" over and over in the future, 

when He sees that Ruthie is again shuffling her feet a bit, nibbling at the beautiful green grass a bit much, standing and just staring off into space a bit too long.... 

So no matter how painful they are, I count the memories of this week a blessing, 
for they may be the very thing used in the future to bring me back
on track and refocus my priorities back to where they should be.

I wish more than anything that I'd been living closer and had less on my plate, so I could have been more involved in the day-to-day help, like so many of my sisters/brothers were.

Even in this, my heart hears another "CRACK": 

"Heads up, Ruth. 
Do you think you might need to look at that schedule of yours and maybe do a little altering here and there?"


No one more than I wishes to be back to the writing "fluffy", carefree, 
"look at how I just rearranged my furniture today" kinds of posts.

And trust me, I'll be getting back to my fun blog posting in no time 
(my mom would want me to)  ;)

The honest truth is, when you've just lost someone as near to you as your mother, you're 
somehow just not quite as stoked about what the current home decor color trend is,
or what shade of gray best says "Swedish" for my dining room -- along with the accompanying
dozen photos of said room.

I love those reading those kinds of posts -- 
and I love writing them. 

I love being the one with the half-dozen paint testers ready to try out in a room 
and blog about it along the way.

I love telling about a trip I'm taking or a store I just found, 
But I'm not going on any trips anytime soon -- 

well, unless you count
trips to the grocery store and dry cleaners.

But you don't wanna hear about that, I'm sure.   :)

I'd give anything to be one of you who are jaunting off yet again to meet up with 
a group of gal-pals in some fabulous city for a weekend.

But again, I don't have any such "jaunts" planned and if you want me to be 
really crazy-honest with you... I get
sad reading about them.  

There are times I barely have time to remember
to shower, much less plan and go on trips.   

If I sound a wee bit jealous -- then I'm a good writer who communicates
aptly her inner feelings.  'Cause yes, Virginia -- I think at times I am a wee bit jealous.  ;)

Part of the blogging process is being "real" (at least for me it is) and right now,
for me, my life's events are not about crafting and gluing and painting and rearranging and
fanciful trips and girlie outings... oh how I wish it were.

And I know that technically this does not make for "good" blogging 
(as the books on blogging instruct us).

But if blogging is about getting to know someone on "real" level, then unless you're
made of plastic, you too will have a point in your life like this -- 

when there isn't as much "fluff" to write about as there is 
real-life-living to be done -- the kind that takes you away from blogging 
for a short while.

And hopefully brings you BACK to blogging with a new sense of
priorities and renewed appreciation for "the little things".

So yes, my heart is heavy right now.  No doubt.
It's only just been days since I watched my mother breathe her last.

But my heart is hopeful -- hopeful that in the next week, as I do get myself back
here to blogging regularly, 
that I will once again be one of the ones
writing to you about some fabulous new Etsy shop I found, 
this fun new way I've re-done a room in my house.

{Hey, we recently had some really nice brick stairs built in front of our house -- 
does that count?   ;)   }

There is plenty going on in my life -- really there is,
I just can't seem to find the time all the time to blog about every little bit of it to you.

Just a couple of days ago, I photographed about 20 new things for the 
new "Up For Grabs" department on the store website.

I was so proud of myself for getting that done!

(Mainly because photographing things for the site is not among my
favorite things to do and I tend to put it off like I put off 
getting paperwork done.)   :)

My plan was to then sit at the computer that night and get them all
uploaded up to the store site for sale, then let you know about 
all new goodies here...

Things can change kinda quickly in real life...

Sooooo, those new items will be getting up on the site early
next week, whereas I'd planned on them being up for you by now.

I also promised you a giveaway on my last blog post.

I hope you'll allow me to do that on my NEXT blog post.

I just waned to at least check-in with you. 

 Let you know what's been going on

and what happened over the last few days.

Can you tell I'm tired?

Do you ever get that way?

Crazy phenomena, huh?

Guess I am a mere mortal after all... 

All the coffee in the world isn't going to replace just some good old fashioned REST 
for me right now.   :)

See you back here in the coming week?

Thanks for listening.

This is real life, baby, it isn't always easy, but it can be a blast.... you in?

You are loved
(and missed),



Tami said...

My deepest sympathy for the loss of your mother...I am sure your pain is great. I will keep you in my prayers as you find your joy once again.

Have a Blessed Easter!

Debi Ward Kennedy said...

I treasure your honesty, dear girl, and send you many hugs and embraces in spirit. Rest, rest, rest, and let Him carry you where you have not the strength to walk on alone. <3

DustyLu said...

I am so sorry for your loss! No words can ease your aching heart! I am so sorry. God Bless! ~lu

Brynwood Needleworks said...

Dear Ruth:
Thank you for baring your soul with today's post. Know that you're never alone when you have so many friends offering up healing prayers on your behalf.

I was with my grandfather when he died, and I know of no better gift for a loved one than to be present, holding hands and talking to your love one as they pass into eternal glory. Because I had been with him, I had the strength of give his his eldest granddaughter. I miss him terribly, but know that he's in a better place.

Please don't misunderstand my relating the loss of my grandfather equal to the loss of your mum. Daughters and mothers are a unique and different bond. I can't begin to imagine your sense of loss, but please know that I'll pray that God support you and hold you in his loving arms until your grief transforms to only happy memories of your mum.

Wishing you an especially Happy Easter, comforted by the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior who now holds your mum in Heaven with Him.

Janette said...

I am so sorry to read about the loss of your Mom, I can't even begin to imagine. I will be praying for you and your family. I hope that you can get some rest and start feeling revived again. Thoughts and prayers are with you!
Janette x

The Feathered Nest said...

You are so precious real and so honest with us, thank you for that. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your dear mother sweet girl. You make me stop and realize priorities...what really matters, what just doesn't ~ keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, hugs and love, Dawn

north pal said...

i was so hoping that i would get to see a photo of your mother. yes, it is maureen. i ache for your ache. please let your mind and your body ease into this loss and we will be waiting for you when you feel you can get back to us. we will be here. i was surprised to see that your mother's name is vivian. that is my first name also. breathe,friend. Bestest,Denise

VINTAGE HOME lifestyle said...

Your post is so beautiful Ruth...

We are never ready, no matter how much we think we are when a loved one passes on. It hits you like a ton of bricks and you have to crawl out from underneath. I know that feeling to well. I do believe, that it some how is a gift that makes us stronger and no you will never be the same...just better.
You are amazing, in all your pain you took the time to stop by my blog and say Hello.
Blessings to you and your family...
ooo xxx

laura said...

Always thinking of you as you have touched my heart through all you write. We only have one mother in this life & you were blessed with yours. You & your mom will be in my prayers tonight. Sending lots of love your way. xo laura

Cheryl~ZanyMayd said...

So Sorry for Your Loss ~ I will Keep You in My Prayers....
Take Time & Rest

Simply Me Art said...

I know I've said it to you a few times this week Ruth, but this hits so close to home for me. I am truly so so Sorry from the bottom of my heart. Bless your Mom and her strength and the Love she and Father must share. Such a Inspiration to us all with 65 years of Marriage, my Gosh. I am thinking of you and your family and sending Prayers and strength, xo Jamie

cheryls fascinatingfinds said...

So sorry to hear of your loss Ruth. This post was written so beautifully. God Bless you and your family.

BonjourRomance said...

Dear Ruth,
I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your precious mother. Know that you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I understand firsthand how the pain can be overwhelming but with the Lord's help we can be happy again. Rest in Him and know she is now safe in His arms. Will say a special prayer for your dear father.
Take care RUth,

Amanda said...

That was so beautiful... You are truly blessed to have been able to spend precious moments with her... that can never fade. May the Lord give you comfort and peace during this season of loss.

Paris Hotel Boutique said...

Dear Ruth, my deepest sympathy for your Mom's passing. So painful. Give yourself time to grieve and get back into the "real world."

What a special relationship you had and her spirit will always be with you.

Thinking of you...


Bonjour Madame said...


I am so very sorry for your loss. Your post is so heartfelt and honest and I can tell you are hurting right now. You have my prayers and support during this difficult time and always. I can't even imagine what you must be going through.


Sylvia (at) Lily's Pad and Petals said...

God bless you and give you peace during this trying time, and may your memories all be happy.

James said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Your words touched me deeply and I shall be thinking of you.

Cathy said...

Sweet Ruth, how utterly beautiful your mom is {for she still lives, just not in our sight!}

His mercies are new every day...and so when you stand up again in the training ring {for grief requires being still for awhile--even though it's painful}, you will be given new opportunities to focus eyes on our loving trainer.

Jesus loves you. And so do I, friend.

Jackie said...

I awoke at 4 a.m, couldn't sleep. I read your post with tears in my eyes.
Your words are so beautiful here, Ruth.

I wish for you and your family that He be with you and help to heal your pain.

Remember all the good times with your beautiful mother! She is now an angel watching over you!


Lisa said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your sweet Mother. Wishing you the peace that passes all understanding on this Easter Sunday.

Anonymous said...

Dearest Ruth,

I so understand your pain as I lost my dear sweet Mama in 2008. God is by your side and will help you through this difficult time. Sending hugs and prayers to you.


Claudia said...

Dear Ruth,

I am so sorry to hear of your dear mother's passing. Please know that I am thinking of you.

We just lost my father-in-law last week.


Beadboard UpCountry said...

We are so sorry for your loss Ruth, your post was a beautiful tribute to her. We will keep you and your family in our prayers. As for you, do what you can, when you can, we are here for you. Maryanne and Peter XXOO

1 Funky Woman said...

I am so sorry to hear about your mother's passing. I personally know the pain you are going through. My mother died in 2002 at the age of 58 when I was only 30. I cannot tell you that it gets better with time, the feeling just change. You will get through this though and I am happy you will be back to blogging, your mother would want you to! I will ask my mother to take your mother's hand and show her the ropes.

I remember everything about you,
your voice, you smile, your touch,
the way you walked, the way you talked,
the way you looked at me, meant so much.

I remember all the words you said to me,
some funny, some kind, some wise,
all of the things you did for me,
I see now with different eyes.

I remember every moment we shared,
seems like only yesterday,
or maybe it was eons ago,
It's really hard to say.

You are gone from me now,
but one they can't take away,
your memory resides inside my heart,
and lights up my darkest days...


My prayers are with you at this difficult time.


Simply Stated ~ Rebecca said...

Dearest Ruth, How I love to read your true they ring in my heart as well as the hearts of all your family and friends.
You are correct, as sad and difficult as life can be, we all need the reminders you so eloquently speak of.
Each day truly is a blessing to treasure and hold more closely.

Thank you so much for sharing your mother with us, she really sounds like a wonderful lady who gave us all a special gift as well.....
Many wishes to you and you family for a Joyous and Happy Easter and hugs and prayers to your father as well ~ Rebecca

Cathy said...

Oh dear heart is broken for you. I can read the pain in your touching words! I will be praying for you and trust that you are in God's capable hands.

Bless you sweet girl.

Laura @ 52 FLEA said...

Oh Ruth,
My heart goes out to you...I can only imagine how you are feeling right now as I still have my Mom.
I appreciate the sharing of your candid and honest thoughts and take inspiration from your wise words. I will keep your Dad,your husband, your daughter and the rest of your family in my prayers and hope that the comfort of wonderful memories of your loving Mother and God's grace will sustain you.
With love on this Easter Sunday,

Glitter & Bliss said...

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. What a beautiful tribute to your mother. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Jennifer Rizzo said...

I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard to lose a parent. My prayers are with you and your family.

donna...@d.reyne's said...

I think it's hug time.
I am so sorry to hear about your mom.
I know how the loss of a loved one affects everything in your life.

Give yourself plenty of time...remember...everything will wait until you get to it!
I will continue to pray for you and your family.

I know the Lord will help you...just lean on Him...He will get you thru this!

Hope you have a restful Easter Evening.
Blessings my friend, donna

Martha said...

Ruth ~ I am really sorry for your loss of your mother...I love your remembrance of her...and prayers sent your way to ease your pain:)

Anonymous said...

Ruth, I love you. You are a treasure to me.

Love, Minnie

Deborah said...

Dearest Ruth,

My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time. Remember, your beautiful Mother is now happy and pain free with the angels in Heaven. Stay strong girlfriend...we all missed you.

Love, Deborah

Miss Gracie's House said...

The refiner's is so hard, isn't it...I am so sorry for your loss...loss is such a difficult time but know that God is good... and He delights in you.

Lyndee said...

I am very sorry for your loss. It sounds as if you were close in spirit if not in miles. May your memories of her comfort along with the God of comfort. Grief is a process and allow as much time as you need. No boundaries!

Sandy said...

What a beautiful mother you had. I'm sure just as beautiful on the inside as well. My deepest sympathy.

I also lost my mom recently, just 4 months ago. I held her hand too as she took her last breath. Your post made me teary as my wounds are almost as fresh as yours. I take peace in knowing she is no longer suffering which makes it easier for me. I will always miss her just as you will miss your mom but somehow I still feel she is always with me and she is younger & happier.

Anonymous said...

Such a wonderful blog, Ruth. Thank you for honoring her so beautifully. I love you!


The Flying Bee said...


What a beautiful post. I have had you in my thoughts for days...I am so sorry for your loss and I will continue to pray for you and your Father. Take all the time you need, sweet friend.

Sending you hugs,

LuLu said...

Sweet Ruth I am deeply sorry for your loss. No words seem fit for the passing of your mother, may you find comfort from all your loved ones and knowing she is at peace,

liggy girl said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I will pray for you and your family. What a beautiful tribute to your mother :) What a woman!!! Big hugs, lots of love, and many blessings to help you heal and be at peace. <3<3

Sofa Savvy said...

Oh Ruth,
From all of your friends near and dear... and from those of us who you don't quite "know', but who follow you consistently.... that was such a beautiful and heartfelt post and I am so very sorry for your loss.

Your mother was beautiful. She is watching over you and must be so very proud of you. Take good care of yourself right now....

hugs and prayers are coming your way.

Donatella said...

so sorry for the loss of your mother...I will pray for you...what a beautiful picture of your mother...

Urban Farmhouse said...

Ruth, my deepest heartfelt sympathies for you and your family. If you are any bit of your mom then I know heaven has received a special angel. Love yourself right now and don't forget to be kind to your heart, God will handle the rest.

avalonrosedesign said...

Ruth, what a marvelous post and tribute to your mother. I loved reading everything you've shared, and I have a feeling I'll be back to read it more than once. Hugs to you, my friend.

Neida said...

I follow your blog and am saddened to read about your mother. I will pray for peace and comfort. I can tell you have a beautiful heart...and your dear mother must be smiling down on you from heaven.

With sympathy...
Neida, FariBlog

Jeanneoli said...

Sweet Ruth, this was such a beautiful tribute to your amazing mom. I can not imagine life without a mom to call and love. All those other things in life will not seem very attractive for a long time..because they are not what makes life the most important. I have been thinking of you and your family everyday. The morning that your mom passed away I had woken up early for some your status update and couldn't get back to sleep. I was praying for you all sad and sorry that you were all going through this.

Tom said...

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. She does look like Maureen O'Hara. My sincere sympathy.

Anonymous said...

So sorry for the loss of your beautiful mama. I could tell by the photo that she could repair a tractor and hostess an elegant dinner party. I could! Blessings to you!

Obee Designs said...

Dearest Ruth,
Where are the tissues??????? You are so eloquent,wow! How hard it must have been for you to write such a touching post with such a heavy heart. It will surely lighten over time, but that doesn't mean you will ever forget your mom. You will just start to remember only the great and wonderful things you shared with her and not all the sad days leading up to her passing. I pray for your pain to ease and your heart to sing again. The tune may sound a little different, but know it WILL sing again. Right now you're right, everything in blogland seems so trivial in the scheme of things. When we look death in the face we realize none of the material things really matter. All we can hold onto at that point is the love we shared with others while were on this earth for the very short time we were here.

Eventually you will know when you are ready to get back to doing what you love and what God put you on this earth for.
You are an wonderful person, full of life and love. You definitely shared some amazing traits from your mother. I'm sure she would want you to continue on in the same strong fashion as SHE lived her life.
Just know you have a tremendous amount of support out here from your blog friends and I am always available to lend an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on.
Love you girl!!

Tamra said...

Ruth, I am so very sorry for your loss.

How fortunate your mother was to have a loving and caring daughter and family with her right up to the very end. Your father will miss her so very much but your love and support will be a huge help to him.

Thinking of you,


KarenSue said...

I was there when my Mom took her last breath and would not have it any other way. It's still hard and it's been 16yrs, she was the same age as your Mom.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
I'm sorry for your loss.

Mary said...

My deepest condolences on the loss of your beautiful mother. Her leaving, though so sad and hard to bear right now, will later be replaced by wonderful memories of your many, many years of special times together.

I lost my mum 7 years ago, just managed to reach England, visit with her once, she died the next day. Very hard for a long time, but now I manage well and find myself often speaking to her when I need a little encouragement. A mother's love never dies, it's stays within us forever.

Wishing you days of peace and rest Ruth - you are in my prayers.

Mary - (formerly ACROSS THE POND) now at A FRESH BREATH OF AIR

ozma of odds said...

.....dearest Ruth
words cannot fill this most empty, deep hollow sadness that you are feeling...I am so so sorry for your beloved, dear mothers passing ~ take heart and know that she now rests in the arms of the angels.

...and though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death... thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

I pray for you and your family, for a blanket of peace and strength to lift your weary hearts. The heavy clouds will give way to sunshine again, and will be waiting to kiss your face with warmth & light...when you are ready.
~ all my love and all my prayers dear one. xo, Rosemary

JAVA & Co. said...

Dear Ruth,

I found you over coffee and now I can't help but be drawn to your beautiful soft and honest writings. God bless you and your family.

Brian (my husband) and I will keep you in our prayers,

Jamie Knoll

Anne - Fiona and Twig said...

Dearest Ruth, my heart breaks for you. It's a pain like no other, and although my words cannot begin to express how much I hurt for you, I can offer you my prayers, and those will not fail...God is faithful, and I know that you know that.

My hope is that He will hold you tightly in His embrace...your sweet dad, too...and will provide you with His peace.

Much love,

mishebe said...

I am so sorry . i feel your sadness and it takes my breathe away.. mishelle

Chrissy said...

Oh Ruth....I am so sorry....I lost my Mom right after Meg was born and I know how hard it is.....she is in a better place now and each day things will get a little better....honest. Take care of yourself and know I am thinking of you! Lots of love,Chrissy

Fabulously french said...

Dear Ruth, so sorry to hear about your mother.

Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through
and shines down upon us to let us know that are happy.

Leeann x

Susie from Bienvenue said...

I am so sorry for your loss. May the Lord be near and comfort you and your family at this time. She was one beautiful lady..I just love old photo's and that picture of you Dad and Mom sweet.
You asked in your comment where I had taken my photo's. Round Top Texas! They have a show in the spring and Fall and it is just awesome. I hope to add a new post soon. Have a great weekend my friend~

rochambeau said...

Dear Ruth ~
For the loss of your mother ~ I'm TRULY sorry.
Your words reach me on many levels.
You are a brave and wise woman.
Your head and heart are in the right place.
I pray for God to bless you with peace, the peace that passes all understanding and for healing energy.
I thank your mother and father for having you. For giving you life. That you have chosen to make yours a Beautiful Life.

And we are most richly blessed to have you here in our lives.


Pansy Cottage Girl said...

What a beautiful post about your MOM! Wow, I wish I had known her. I'm sorry about your loss. Keep those beautiful memories close to your heart.

Dumbwit Tellher said...

Dearest Ruth, I had never run across your blog before until I saw your link on La Dolfina. I guess it was something I was directed to as I just recently lost my mother & mother in law over these last few months. What you wrote was so tender and sweet. The words were so true, that once the quiet sinks in it is exactly what happens, the quiet of reality sinks in. We postponed my mother's memorial until May, so we still have that experience to go through. When I saw the photo of your parents I lost it, truly touching. My father is so alone now & I realized that he has never lived alone before. They were married 58 years. I couldn't agree more that I too wish I could take his pain away. Mine I can deal with, but his, is different. Sending all my deepest sympathy to you and your family. It does feel good to know you are never alone in your pain. Hugs to you Ruth xx

Grandma Jan said...

My heart hurts, I remember the day I went through that.
Everyone who still has their Mother needs to know you are blessed.i just wanted you to know I am thinking aboout you at this hard time.

The French Bear said...

Ruth, this is such a bittersweet time for you. There aren't enough comforting words that one can say. Hang in there and know that you have many bloggers who are saying a prayer for you and mentally sending you hugs!!!!
I have lost my Mom and my sister, it is still painful.
Your Mother was very beautiful, I see where you get your beauty from.
Margaret B

cityfarmer said...

I have never read anything quite like this.

I feel like I am in your shoes.
I haven't walked this road yet.
I do know that I will, however.

It will feel good to look back later and read what your soul is feeling now

God bless you friend as you weather this storm.

Be strong for your Dad.
He needs you more than ever now.
Enjoy him and love on him.
Soon you two will be taking strolls down memory lane.

he's very blessed to have you
I love you
you're an amazing woman of God

Annie said...

My Dear Ruth, warm hugs to you and your father. I wish that I could carry away some of your pain.

Tracie~MyPetiteMaison said...

Dear Ruth,
I want to say so much. My aching heart is right there beside you, please know that for certain today & in the days to come. What a beautiful lady, thank you for sharing about your mom with us. I'll drop you a line when we return next week.
Keeping you in my prayers.
Love to you, Tracie

Stitcher S said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

I often feel that because I lost my brother so relatively young in life, and a nephew...those two losses caused me to NEVER care about small things that so many people seem to focus on continually. Sometimes I feel odd because little things don't concern me, I am just grateful to have healthy loved ones.

Again, sorry for your loss. I lost my dad 18 months ago and I know how final and sad it is.

I loved reading your honest post, thanks for sharing yourself here.

Roberta said...

My heart is heavy for you after reading your words of raw honesty. Take some time to just 'be' for awhile. Sending prayers your way. xo

Andrea - Faded Plains said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss heart aches for you.

Sending you and your family love and prayers, Andrea

Gail said...

I'm devasted for your loss as it comes through loud and clear in your post....unfortunately I've been (and still am) where you are. I lost my sweet Mom 7 years ago and can tell you that not a day goes by that I don't want to pick up the phone and chat with her and ask her advice..sadness indeed.
Hang in there and surround yourself with loved ones, it's the only way to get through such a loss.
Hugs to you.

M.A.the2nd said...

I am so sorry for your loss and even though I don't know you I feel your pain at the loss of your dearest mum. Your words were beautiful, raw and real. Please accept my sincerest sympathies.

Alice W. said...

Ruth, your mother sounds like such an amazing woman. I am so very sorry for your loss. I know those simple words aren't much...but my thoughts and prayers will be with you...and I certainly treasure your honesty {and can relate to much of what you wrote about blogging}. Just know that you never alone...sending love your way right now...

Maman de trois petit rois said...

Ruth, I am so sorry. I lost my mom almost 10 years ago, and I still want to call her every time I see that Talbots is having a sale... although now I smile about it instead of sit down on the floor of the mall and cry (true story). I hope that you can rest and heal and take care of your sweet dad. One day you will walk into that dining room and be ready to look at paint samples again. The sun will come through the window and you will smile. For now, know that so many of us are in your corner.

Lila said...

I'm so truly sorry. I've suffered a death in my family, many to be exact. They are never easy but, the relationship you had with your mother sounds like it was a good one. I hope you always remember the good memories of her.
Lila Ferraro
Queen Bedroom Sets

sinnlighet said...

My deepest sympathy... I'm so sorry!

I found you via another blog and just have to tell you that I like your blog.

Peace & Love

A footprint from Agneta in Sweden

kay ellen said...

Thinking of you Ruth~~praying for all the details still at hand...beauitful and touching words you have shared..
May the Lord give you strength and comfort you at this difficult time and your sweet Dad too!

Kay Ellen

Heidi said...

My goodness, what a beautiful heart breaking post and tribute to your mother. Dearheart, you are going to need much more than a week before you will feel like posting about giveaways and decorating...all you can do is put one foot in front of the other, if you can do that. Only time, lots and lots of time, will allow for your heart to begin to heal from this loss. And lots of love and support...:) Sending hugs and prayers,

Karena said...

Ruth, so pognant and I am so sorry, my mother is 80 and I don't know what I would do without her!

I have a new post up I think you will enjoy!

Art by Karena

La Dolfina said...

OMG Ruth, I just saw this post and I am so so sorry for your loss. What a moving post you wrote... it was beautiful and I think must have been so cathartic for you, my dear!
Your mother was certainly an angel and she raised the most lovely daughter in you!! I just loved the photo of she and your Dad. You can tell they were soul mates with a long love affair and you were their love child:) She is living in paradise now and will be forever your heavenly angel!!
God Bless you during these coming months as you find a way to live without her.

Debra@Common Ground said...

Ruth what a blessed post! A beautifully written tribute for your beautiful mom, and amazing insights from the heart of God.

Melody Jane said...

Oh my goodness...I'm not sure what to think of your generosity. A part of me is thinking, "how can you part with a book?!!" And another part of me chuckles to know that there is a "book sisterhood" out there that loves the inspiration decorating books offer. I always wondered why these books were hard to come by! =) Please add my name to the other "book sisters" who have their fingers crossed hoping to win.

Vintage Girl said...

I am so very sorry to hear about your mom, oh she sounds just wonderful! Your memories will be your comfort. Blessings, Heather

FrenchGardenHouse said...

Although I am late, dearest Ruth, I have tears in my eyes reading this. I am so sorry about your beautiful Mama, I know you will all miss her.

We, all of us, need daily reminders
of what really matters. Sending you love, sweetie. And prayers. xoxo lidy

C.J. said...

I just read your post about losing your Mother, it brought back all of those same feelings I experienced when my sweet, beautiful Mother passed on January 3, 2010. I am not sure I will ever get over it. Like you, I loved her so. God bless you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Dear Ruth,

Sadly I am familiar with the pain you are going through right now. My mom passed away 6 years ago and the pain is still vivid. On bad days I give myself a "pep talk" and think to myself, "my mom doesn't want to look down from heaven and see me crying!" I wouldn't want that for my daughter and my mom doesn't want to see me so sad. I will pray for your heart to heal.

dianneconner said...

I just read your heartfelt blog about the loss of your mom..... ouch.
What a wonderful tribute you have written to and about her...I felt all of your love, your sorrow and your hope for the not so distant future.
I lost my mom in 1980 ...I was just 23 years old and sadly I didn't really know her at all. I so wish i would have spent more time listening to her and hearing about her life as an immigrant from Scotland.
Funny, as it goes, Ruth.....I was using this uber magnifying mirror to put on mascara, or something and I looked at and in my eyes and I saw my mom..I saw her heavy eyelids and the wrinkles. I saw the same green color as she had.....It was a really weird, out of body moment. Back to reality, I finished the task at hand and I went into my office and noticed that it was August 25 - she had passed away 30 years ago on this day.
I have felt both my mom and my dad around me in good times, in thoughtful times and in trying times - their presence gives me a really peaceful feeling.
I hope you are feeling a bit more peaceful nowadays and that you dad is, too.
Thank you for your post - albeit a long time ago
Happy thoughts,

Anonymous said...

Somehow I stumbled upon your blog this morning. The picture of your mother reminded me of my own mother. See's 83 and still alive. Thank you for posting your feelings, I needed to be reminded of what "really" matters.